Walking Alone
by Pr0fessi0nal-Fangurl
Summary: What if Felicity didn't take her first steps until after she broke things off with Oliver? This is my alternative thoughts as to what would have happened after 4x15 if Felicity was alone when she took her first steps after being paralyzed


Felicity had just broken things off with Oliver and she still wasn't completely sure if it was the right call to make, but she needed to stick with it that's all that she was sure about at this point. It wasn't the fact that Oliver had a child that she was angry about, that didn't really matter to her, she could learn to live with that. She also understood that Samantha gave him an impossible ultimatum and that he couldn't tell her, but there was still nothing stopping him from telling Thea, Barry, and Malcolm Merlyn so why in fact couldn't he have told her? After listening to what Samantha had to say on the matter she knew that Oliver was given an impossible decision to make by not telling her and she might have been able to forgive him if it weren't for leaving her out of all of the decisions regarding William. If he would just lean on her like a partner is supposed to and just trust her then maybe things could have been fixed but she knew that things wouldn't change, not when it came to Oliver trusting her. His default would always be to keep secrets and she wasn't sure if she wanted a marriage filled with secrets, that's never the kind of life that she had envisioned for herself.

She rolled into the physical therapists office for the first time with no one by her side, normally Oliver came with her but after calling things off between them she didn't have anyone really to come with her. Her mother offered to come with her but she turned her down just asking her to drive her there, this was something that she needed to conquer alone. She needed to prove to herself that she could do this, that she didn't need anyones help. She knows how crazy and ridiculous that sounded but she just needed to know that she didn't need Oliver in her life, no matter how much she wanted him there.

She realized that she didn't need to do this alone but she wanted to, she wanted to prove to herself that she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. That she didn't need anyone by her side cheering her on, no matter how much she wished that Oliver was standing next to her like every other appointment telling her that he knew that she could do this and that he believed in her.

Paul helped her out of her chair and she took a deep calming breath trying to keep the sadness and tears at bay, she wouldn't let it show how broken she actually felt about her entire situation. She cleared her mind and focused on making her legs take a step, focusing on the simple act of walking and putting one foot in front of the other, physically and mentally. Before she was fighting to walk in time for her and Oliver's wedding, so that she could walk down the aisle towards him, towards their future. However now she was fighting to walk for herself and no one else, she needed to prove to herself that she was as strong as everyone claimed that she was, that she was a fighter. She needed to know that what everyone thought was true, that she could withstand anything.

That was when her foot twitched and suddenly it was like the strength washed over her, she suddenly felt her legs push her body up until she was standing on both feet. She was a bit wobbly but she was standing nonetheless and that was the important part, she smiled and let a tear roll down her cheek as she took a hesitant step forward as she let out a sob. She instantly looked to her right where Oliver always was standing behind her, supporting her through every appointment but he wasn't there. The gleeful smile that was on her face instantly fell and another sob escaped her mouth except this time it was one of sorrow, she had no one to share this moment with. She was taking her first steps after months of being in a wheelchair and she was completely alone, the only person that she wanted to share this with wasn't by her side anymore. It was in this moment that she instantly regretted her decision wishing that he was her for her to throw her arms around him celebrating and basking in the glory with. She wouldn't be the first to admit it, but she missed him insanely, this was supposed to be a moment that they shared together. He had come to all of her appointments and been by her side through everything, he was supposed to be there to see her take her first steps but he wasn't. He wasn't because he screwed up and doesn't trust her or respect her enough to tell her the truth and now she was paying the price for it. She was incredibly angry at everything.

She hated everything about this situation as she collapsed onto the floor, her legs were still wobbly but her despair was clouding her mind. She broke in the middle of the physical therapy office during a moment that was supposed to be joyous and amazing, she let herself feel everything that she hadn't been allowing herself to feel after she gave the ring back to Oliver. She let herself feel all of the anger and despair and hurt that she had been trying to ignore for days on end, her mother kept nagging her that it wasn't good for her but she was ignoring her. She was going to move at her own pace, now she's realizing that breaking down in the middle of physical therapy might be one of the worst places for her mental damn to explode.

"Felicity are you okay? Is it your legs did they give back out?" Paul was instantly by her side and she shook her head not being to speak around the sobs that were lodged in her throat. At that moment, more than anything she just wanted her mom, she wanted her mom by her side to just hug her and tell her that she could get through this and that everything was going to be okay. Felicity didn't even realize that Paul had left and had actually found her mom in the reception area waiting for her.

"Baby? What's wrong? What's going on are you hurt?" Donna's mind was racing a million miles a minute seeing her poor daughter collapsed onto the floor in a fit of tears.

"I did it and he's not here. I walked for the first time and he was supposed to be here to see it." She sobbed again into Donna's arms and now she knew exactly what was going on, this had nothing to do with pain or frustration of not being able to walk, quite the opposite actually. Her daughter was completely and one hundred percent heartbroken because she just walked for the first time after thinking that this would never happen again and the one person that she wanted by her side wasn't there to see it and be there for her.

"Baby it's okay, shhhh I've got you." Donna was nearly in tears herself seeing her daughter so distraught and heartbroken over this entire ordeal. Felicity wasn't ever one to discuss her feelings even as a child which was a bit strange because she loved to talk about basically everything else under the stars except about how she felt in most situations. She always tended to keep to herself and Donna had learned over the years that letting Felicity come to terms with things on her own or waiting for her to come to her was the best way to go about doing things. That was until this moment right now when she wished that she would have pushed her to talk about this with her. Donna knew the moment that Felicity told her about calling off the engagement that this wasn't going to be pleasant for anyone, she saw the way that the two of them looked at each other, she wasn't oblivious. She knew how much her daughter loved Oliver and vice versa, she knew that this was bound to destroy Felicity if she didn't talk about it or give herself time to heal. Sitting here on the floor of Felicity's physical therapy office it occurred to her that things were a lot worse off then she originally thought.

"The one person I wanted to see me take my first step is the one person I can't even stand to look at right now." She let out another sob not ever having felt this much pain and sorrow before, not even when she thought that Cooper had died had she felt this broken. She hated Oliver for making her feel this way but most of all she hated herself. She hated herself for falling for him believing that they could have it all and that he was changed, she hated that she convinced him that they could do it. She hated all of the happy times together because it makes it that much harder to let him go, because he was the best of her. He was the reason that she was the person that she was today, he showed her the kind of person that she could become and she embraced it with open arms. The worst part was that she didn't actually hate any of those things, she wanted them all back, she really truly wished that she hated him and all of the happy times that they spent together. In reality she wanted more and she wanted that peace of mind back, she wanted to be able to smile without it looking like a grimace because after everything she is completely convinced that smiling isn't something that she remembers how to do anymore. She used to smile all of the time, she used to be a bubbly person but now, after everything she's been through in the past year alone. She is scared that she is never going to be the same and not in a good way.

Felicity took a few deep and calming breaths trying to get her heart rate to calm down so that she could be rational and stop the pity party that she was currently having in a very public place. The tears continued to roll down their face at their own accord but she ignored them as she sniffled and grabbed at the bars above her to help pull herself back up so that she was standing. She wasn't going to let this situation with Oliver break her, there was no way in hell that she was going to let a boy tear her to shreds like this. She was never that girl that allowed herself to be taken over by a boy, she was always the one comforting her friends when they had the broken hearts and being the strong one. She needed to be strong now, she needed to prove to herself that this wasn't going to break her but just make her stronger, she could do this, she could get through this she knew that she could without a doubt in her mind.

She stood on her own two feet for the second time in months this time more confident that she could do this, that she didn't need anyone by her side cheering her on. All that she needed was to believe in herself and know that she was just as strong as everyone seemed to already know that she was.

She took a few unstable steps before her legs grew in strength and she could feel that with every step she grew stronger, she grew more confident that she could do this and do anything that she set her mind to. She didn't need anyone by her side to know that she was a badass and could conquer anything. She took a few more steps until she was away from the bars and was walking on her own, the tears that were currently streaming down her face were no longer ones of sadness but of hope. She was hopeful that she was going to get through this no matter what it took, she may have wanted Oliver there by her side to cheer her on but she didn't need him. She would always want him by her side to cheer her on, he had become her best friend more than just her partner, but she didn't need him. Felicity was coming to the realization that she may want him by her side but she didn't necessarily need him there.

She was strong and powerful and fearless and she didn't need anyone standing next to her telling her that anymore. She could cheer herself on, she did perfectly fine before she had met Oliver so she would be just fine now. She wasn't sure what her future was going to be like but she did know one thing, that she could do this and that she wasn't scared.


End file.
